1. People who hate me. (Who knew that disliking Megamind would cause so many people so much misery. I AM SORRY THAT YOU FEEL MISERY AND HATE INSTEAD OF RAINBOWS BECAUSE I DID NOT LIKE MEGAMIND. PLEASE DO NOT SEND ME SCORPIONS IN THE MAIL. I'm allergic. Probably.)
2. Utah being like, "Hey, Megan. I'ma be covered in snow now, okay? Cool."
3. People who have taken to disliking things solely because I like them. Don't take your misery out on Despicable Me. It has cute little girls and unicorns. It deserves your love. IT'S ME YOU WANT.
5. The first 100 pages of The Fellowship of the Ring. I have read those pages a billion times. I am attempting another reading. BUT COME ON.
Frodo, Sam, and Pippin forged through the brambles, 'neath the canopy of emerald leaves. The leaves, forming an emerald canopy, filtered light so that the ground appeared dappled with greenish lighty light. The brambles through which the three hobbits were forging were very dense and it took them three hours to forge. Three hours of dense brambles, underneath an emerald canopy, [insert complicated geography pertaining to the Shire for three consecutive paragraphs. Still remain in the brambles.] And so it was that Frodo, Sam, and Pippin became hungry and sat down for a rest in a green clearing, finally free of brambles, where they ate lunch and sang a little hobbit song about food.
Now, because I know that some of you guys take me OH SO SERIOUSLY, I now have to point out that the above paragraph was of my own construction, and was clearly very silly. J.R.R. Tolkien is brilliant and his descriptions are incredible, if lengthy. I am merely pointing out that these descriptions are so very very long and...descriptive. Blah blah blah, apology, blah blah, explanation for my behavior, blah blah blah I wouldn't have to be boring and explain myself if people didn't take me so seriously all the time. Are you happy now? IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED?
But in all seriousness, though, this really does make me sad, because I thought it was pretty well understood that everything I write for both Megansquared and SparkLife is firmly categorized as, "Mildly Humorous Junk That Should Not Be Cause For Fighting And Hating," and I'm the kind of person who will agonize about those few people who decided that I suck because my clearly ridiculous opinion is different from theirs, and they took me too seriously. Should I send them a gift basket? Should I email, begging for forgiveness for my treachery? Should I revoke my opinion? Should I BLOW UP MY TRASH CAN?! (This has less to do with angry commenters and more to do with my own curiosity.)
Let me break it down for you real quick:
Percentage of things that I write which should never be taken seriously: 98%
Percentage of serious things that I write that pertain to unicorns: 1.9999%
Percentage of things that I write that I'm dead serious about: .00001
The lesson to be learned here: If I ever write about unicorns, you can take that to the bank, because seriously, I love those things. Everything else you may dismiss as silliness unless clearly stated. If I write, "This is to be taken seriously," then you may take it seriously.
Oh, but now you are confused. "Megan, how do we know we ought to take the above paragraph seriously, then? LOGICAL FALLACY!"
Well, let me help you: The above paragraphs are to be taken seriously. But, like, in a non-serious way. You know what I'm saying?
6. The fact that I have to explain when I'm being serious.
7. I left my computer mouse somewhere. I don't know where. Now my drawings look like this:
If you can't read that, don't worry about it. It's just pathetic. You probably don't want to be able to read it.
8. The fact that the above drawing still looks pretty much like all of my other drawings. That's just sad.
All of the above things have culminated to Megan feeling sad about stuff. Which means Megan may not write until after Thanksgiving. This may be taken seriously.