Monday, November 22, 2010

Things that make me sad in the heart

1. People who hate me.  (Who knew that disliking Megamind would cause so many people so much misery.  I AM SORRY THAT YOU FEEL MISERY AND HATE INSTEAD OF RAINBOWS BECAUSE I DID NOT LIKE MEGAMIND.  PLEASE DO NOT SEND ME SCORPIONS IN THE MAIL.  I'm allergic.  Probably.)

2.  Utah being like, "Hey, Megan.  I'ma be covered in snow now, okay?  Cool."

3.  People who have taken to disliking things solely because I like them.  Don't take your misery out on Despicable Me.  It has cute little girls and unicorns.  It deserves your love.  IT'S ME YOU WANT.

4.  Genocide.

5.  The first 100 pages of The Fellowship of the Ring.  I have read those pages a billion times.  I am attempting another reading.  BUT COME ON.


Frodo, Sam, and Pippin forged through the brambles, 'neath the canopy of emerald leaves.  The leaves, forming an emerald canopy, filtered light so that the ground appeared dappled with greenish lighty light.  The brambles through which the three hobbits were forging were very dense and it took them three hours to forge.  Three hours of dense brambles, underneath an emerald canopy, [insert complicated geography pertaining to the Shire for three consecutive paragraphs.  Still remain in the brambles.] And so it was that Frodo, Sam, and Pippin became hungry and sat down for a rest in a green clearing, finally free of brambles, where they ate lunch and sang a little hobbit song about food. 

Now, because I know that some of you guys take me OH SO SERIOUSLY, I now have to point out that the above paragraph was of my own construction, and was clearly very silly.  J.R.R. Tolkien is brilliant and his descriptions are incredible, if lengthy.  I am merely pointing out that these descriptions are so very very long and...descriptive.  Blah blah blah, apology, blah blah, explanation for my behavior, blah blah blah I wouldn't have to be boring and explain myself if people didn't take me so seriously all the time. Are you happy now?  IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED?

But in all seriousness, though, this really does make me sad, because I thought it was pretty well understood that everything I write for both Megansquared and SparkLife is firmly categorized as, "Mildly Humorous Junk That Should Not Be Cause For Fighting And Hating," and I'm the kind of person who will agonize about those few people who decided that I suck because my clearly ridiculous opinion is different from theirs, and they took me too seriously.  Should I send them a gift basket?  Should I email, begging for forgiveness for my treachery?  Should I revoke my opinion?  Should I BLOW UP MY TRASH CAN?!  (This has less to do with angry commenters and more to do with my own curiosity.)

Let me break it down for you real quick:

Percentage of things that I write which should never be taken seriously: 98%
Percentage of serious things that I write that pertain to unicorns: 1.9999%
Percentage of things that I write that I'm dead serious about: .00001

The lesson to be learned here: If I ever write about unicorns, you can take that to the bank, because seriously, I love those things.  Everything else you may dismiss as silliness unless clearly stated.  If I write, "This is to be taken seriously," then you may take it seriously.

Oh, but now you are confused.  "Megan, how do we know we ought to take the above paragraph seriously, then?  LOGICAL FALLACY!"

Well, let me help you:  The above paragraphs are to be taken seriously.  But, like, in a non-serious way.  You know what I'm saying?

6. The fact that I have to explain when I'm being serious.

7.  I left my computer mouse somewhere. I don't know where.  Now my drawings look like this:


If you can't read that, don't worry about it.  It's just pathetic.  You probably don't want to be able to read it.

8.  The fact that the above drawing still looks pretty much like all of my other drawings.  That's just sad.

All of the above things have culminated to Megan feeling sad about stuff.  Which means Megan may not write until after Thanksgiving.  This may be taken seriously.

16 comments:

  1. Its really fun to blow up trashcans, fill a bottle with dry ice and reallllyyyy quickly put about half a cup of water in, twist the cap on uber fast and then chunk that ice bomb in the trashcan and RUN! (make sure its empty though..) and voila! you have a trashcan with no bottom :) Oh and this blogthingamabob is awesome so no worries about haters here :D kept it up Megan.

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  2. If it makes you feel any better... I've never taken you seriously... :D
    ~Unico...*ahem* I meant Loren
    :P

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  3. I did not see "Megamind". I don't really care about "Megamind".

    However I do care about people. There is a problem here, and that problem is that differences of opinion are being treated like some sort of valid excuse for toxic waste in spewed through incorrect English.
    Your review, I thought, was both intelligent and funny, and not even the Times hits both marks. Intelligent complaints deserve intelligent consideration. I'm not going to bother Redboxing it now.

    But all that's really just me trying to jump hard enough on the other side of the scale that it balances out.
    I don't even know if you'll read this before Thanksgiving--and in a strange way I don't want you to. You chose to take a break. Stick with that. It's what I'd do too.

    ^This is not the kind of comment that's usually found on this blog. But neither is the post itself.

    Feel better.

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  4. Being probably the one of the most sarcastic people I know, I absolutely love your blog. I never expect anyone to take me seriously, and over time people have just come to know that I don't mean to offend anyone. It's just the way I am. Please don't get discouraged by the overly antagonistic people just looking for an arguement, because in most cases they're going to find one. Keep posting, and being awesome! I completely relate to your sense of humor, and look forward to more from you! :)

    By the way, I have a random question- Do you go to BYU? Because my brother went there last year as a freshman and I probably will too in a couple years :)

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  5. hey megan. so i regularly check your blog to see if you have any new posts up and when i just checked it i was like "YEAHHH! NEW POST! MY LIFE JUST GOT BETTER!" and so...i started reading it and you were all "I'm allergic. Probably." and i was all "OOOOOOH THIS IS GONNA BE AN AWESOME POST! SHE'S SO FUNNY!" and then you got serious. and then you got serious about getting serious. and then i had to read seven paragraphs of you being serious. and then i cried. and then i was so sad the rest of your blog didn't even make me laugh. not even the picture. please don't ever be serious again.

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  6. youre internet bestieNovember 22, 2010 at 5:16 PM

    awww megan!! PLEASE DO NOT WAIT TILL AFTER THANKSGIVING BECAUSE OFF ALL THESE TROLLS!!!! cause you know they be trollin....UNICORNS FTW!!!

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  7. Number one thing that hurts my Canadian(it's true) heart:
    When Megan is sad.

    Dont do it again. I think the orphans of Utah are frowning while they freeze in the snow and eat stale goldfish.

    We dont want that now, do we? So cheer up Megan! You're an idol to billions of people, and you completely rock. You're a STAR, CTR, and remember who you are.:)
    - Love,
    You're biggest fan

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  8. MEGAN! DON'T FEEL BAD! I'LL STILL READ YOUR BLOG AND THINK YOUR SPIT IS MADE OF SUNSHINE AND YOUR HAIR OF UNICORNS! lol, but seriously, there will always be haters. Don't change your opinion because a few douchebags can't handle it when someone disagrees with them.

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  9. Megan you rock! Don't listen to the meanie-faced haters.

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  10. nice blog.. have a view of my blog when free.. http://www.lonelyreload.blogspot.com .. do leave me some comment / guide if can.. if interested can follow my blog...

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  11. MEGAAAN! CHEER UP! DIAL A UNICORN! (And if you can't, dial a llama [dial a llama actually exists] because llamas are AWESOME)
    Remember that somewhere there are unicorns and rainbows and cute fluffy bunnies jumping around!

    P.S. I LOVE your Life Lessons at Sparknotes!!

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  12. despicable me has cute little girls huh? creeeeeeper! hahaha juuust kidding. :)

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  13. i was going to comment and say that people are mean on the internet for no reason. then i saw that a bunch of people commented and already said things of that nature. so, um, i'm kind of at a loss here. maybe just keep being awesome. that's always a good idea.

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  14. Maybe some Robot Unicorn attack would cheer you up. =) It has rainbows and glitter and a unicorn! <3 I love your blog and your sense of humor. Keep posting!!!
    http://games.adultswim.com/robot-unicorn-attack-twitchy-online-game.html <--- enjoy the awesomeness here

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  15. My dad blew up his trash can when he was a kid. using illegal fireworks. so, you know, i'm not recommending it, but the pyro in me says it would be fun :)

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  16. "Commenting on my blog prevents all types of cardiovascular diseases. Also, all other diseases. And it summons unicorns. So, really, why WOULDN'T you comment?"

    This is my first comment. WHERE'S MY DISEASE-FREE, UNICORN-ABUNDANT WORLD?!

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Commenting on my blog prevents all types of cardiovascular diseases. Also, all other diseases. And it summons unicorns. So, really, why WOULDN'T you comment?