Monday, February 14, 2011

Top ten fictional characters that I'd like to get my yum on with. Awwww yeah.

(I have no idea what that title even means.  Can you get your yum on with someone?  I don't know, but if you can, I'm going to do it every single day for the rest of forever.)

Today is Valentine's Day, did you know?  Some of us are rather Valentine-less and have to rely on vivid imaginations and heart-shaped cookies to carry us through the day.  Others get to face kiss for hours.  WHATEVER.  The rest of us don't even care.  Enjoy your face kissing.  Jerks.

Anyway, in order to stop the pain just for fun, I've compiled a list of my favorite fictional mega hotties.  Enjoy.  Please keep your drool off the post.  Kthx.

Number 10: Link from The Legend of Zelda

Mmmmm.  Link.  The hair, the pointy ears, THE HAT.  I mean look at him.  He's like sexy wrapped in hot dusted with fiiiiiine.

Pros: If I were ever in danger from the evil Ganondorf, Link would totally have my back.  Also, he's probably really really good at braiding hair.  And I bet he's sensitive.

Cons: I've never actually heard him talk, although he does grunt occasionally.  That would kind of be a conversation killer.  Also, Navi is always following him around and every ten seconds she'd be all, "HEY!  LISTEN!" and then proceed to give Link really obvious dating tips like, "Kissing is when you put your mouth on another mouth" and then it would kind of get awkward.

Number 9: Ash Ketchum from Pokemon

Oh Ash...the enthusiasm.  The naivete.  THE HAT!  Is it totally weird that I have a crush on him?  True, he was ten when he began his epic journey of awesome, but then again, I was a kid when I started loving him.  So logically he's probably old enough for me to love now.  Right?  Right guys?

Pros: Ash probably would be the most enthusiastic date ever.  Also, he would be impressed by my extensive Pokemon card collection.  And have you heard him laugh?  It's super cute!!!11`2!11`

Cons: Ash probably would be the most enthusiastic date ever.  I'd be all, "I'm hungry" and he'd be like, "BUT WE HAVE TO GO CATCH THEM ALL!!!" and I'd be like, "Stop throwing pokeballs at me" and he'd be all, "LOOK, A WILD MEGAN!" and I'd be all, "THAT'S IT ASH, WE'RE OVER" and he'd be all, "Dang.  It got away."

Number 8: Jacob Black from New Moon

Oh come on.  Don't pretend like you don't love him.  I firmly believe that Stephenie Meyer trapped him in her world of insanity and that he's been battling his way out ever since.  JACOB IS HOT, I TELL YOU.  Just...skip Breaking Dawn.  Please

Pros: He's warm and muscular and so hot that it makes my teeth sweat.  Also, he's funny and friendly and I bet he would be really good at kissing.  Like...really good.  Plus, he could be my boyfriend AND my pet, thus eliminating my need for twelve puppies.  Instead I could have Jacob and three puppies.

Cons: He's always busy trying to get stupid, boring, whiny Bella to love him.  I don't know why.  She's the worst character in history.  Also, Breaking Dawn.  Just...Breaking Dawn.

Number 7: Cormac McLaggen from Harry Potter

I know that Cormac is a grade A idiot-face, but I mean...look at him.  He's just so beautiful.  Also, he plays quidditch and that's just sexy.  Quidditch players are the hottest athletes of all.

Pros: When he plays quidditch I could totally brag and be all, "Look at my super hot boyfriend being all awesome and magical and stuff" and then he could also teach me how to fly on a broomstick and it would be just like the time that I dreamed I was accepted into Hogwarts.  That would totally make up for my uncontrollable weeping on the night of my 11th birthday.  What are the chances that my acceptance letter is just 7 years late?  Probably pretty good, right?  ...Right?

Cons: He's a jerk.  A sexy, sexy jerk.

Number 6: Anakin Skywalker from Star Wars

Wanna Force kiss?  I love Anakin, not for his whiny, crappy character, but for his luscious hair.

Pros: Anakin is basically incredibly skilled at everything, so much so that he can even defy physics, Coruscant assassin chase style.  Um, also I would be dating a Jedi.  And if I were dating him, I would be such a good influence that he never would have betrayed the Jedi order.  But then the original Star Wars movies would be ruined.  Hmmm.  Maybe this is a con.

Cons: He's a whiny baby who talks smack on his master.  Not cool, Ani.  Also, his nickname is "Ani."  Oh and plus, there's a very limited time frame to love his face off, cause first he's a stupid kid and then he becomes horribly disfigured.  Although I probably would still hold hands with Darth Vader.

Number 5: Westley from The Princess Bride

Westley gets two pictures because I want double the Westley.  He's a pirate, guys.  HE'S A SEXY PIRATE.

Pros: HE'S A SEXY PIRATE.  He'll do anything for true love.  He's clever and witty.  He's a clever, romantic, sexy pirate.  And his teeth are phenomenal.

Cons: Westley is dating Buttercup, who is a brat.  A lovely, lovely brat.  Also, Cary Elwes had to go get old and ruin my perception of Westley by taking a role in the Ella Enchanted movie.  For shame, Cary.  For shame.

Number 4: Howl from Howl's Moving Castle

I don't know why I love Howl so effing much, but just googling pictures of him made my insides feel all squishy and mushy and I was all, "LOVE ME."  My mad hot adoration for Howl started when I saw this movie, and man, was I hit hard with true, true love.  If you haven't seen this movie, you absolutely have to.  Then you will know exactly what I mean.

Pros: Howl is voiced by Christian Bale, another super fine specimen of the male species.  Also, Howl is just as hot in the book as in the movie.  Now that's a rare find, ladies.

Cons: He's a super player.  He likes to love 'em and leave 'em.  Also, he turns into a giant bird monster, which is actually kind of cool but also would make cuddling a little hard.

 Number 3: Han Solo from Star Wars

 My favorite scoundrel of all time.  He's a wise-crackin' smuggler whose best friend is a walking carpet.  WHAT MORE COULD YOU ASK FOR??

Pros: He's Han freaking Solo.  Han, you can smuggle me any day.  Does that sound dirty to you?  I didn't mean for it to sound dirty.  I actually don't know what I was trying to say.  Look, Han, can I kiss you on the mouth?

Cons: He isn't real.  I lament this fact every day.

Number 2: Aragorn from The Lord of the Rings

 Aragorn.  Oh, Aragorn.  Here comes the point in this list where my sentences become significantly less coherent because I'm busy staring at pictures of Aragorn.  He doesn't shower, he's constantly rolling around in dirt, he's generally covered in grime, blood, and sweat, and yet he still manages to be so sexy it's almost painful.  HOT HOT LOVE.

Pros: Basically everything.  He's courageous, hot, valiant, strong, hot, a warrior, romantic, clever, hot, noble.....

Cons: The likelihood of him dying in some bad-a battle is very high.  And yet, he doesn't die in any of them.  So I guess what I'm saying is that he has no cons.  Maybe his lack of hygiene...?  No.  No, not even that.

Number 1:  Edward Cullen!

....Hahahahaha gross, just kidding.

Number 1: Legolas from The Lord of the Rings

 Choosing just one picture of Legolas was absolutely heartbreaking.  However, seeing my computer screen filled with photos of his elfin glory made my day about 78 times better.  I used to think that I was in love with Orlando Bloom, but as it turns out I just love Legolas.  So much.  OHMYGOODNESSSOMUCH.  He's perfect and wonderful and I don't even care that he moves like a female because he's an elf, what do you want?!?!  Also, he's bad-a with that bow.

Pros: Everything.

Cons: Absolutely nothing.

Now please excuse me while I go watch all the LOTR movies and hyperventilate at the sexy dream team.

UPDATE: I've probably forgotten about a bajillion sexy men on this list.  As I think of them or people remind me of them, I'll post them right here on my "I STILL LOVE YOU" list, because the world always needs more lists involving smexy men.

1. Logan/Wolverine: The steel running through your anatomy might be cold, but you are smoking hot.
2. Ronald Weasley: I find myself less attracted to you this year, but your general adorable-ness cannot go unnamed.
3. Batman: Oh Christian Bale.  OH CHRISTIAN BALE.
4. Jim Halpert: Cute, quirky, all around adorable.
5. Prince Zuko: In the infamous words of Carmen Rae Thorley, "I don't know.  The whole scar-faced, dark past thing is hot."


  1. Bahaha this is hilarious. I agree with just about all of these. And I would totally be up for some LOTR marathon action.

  2. this. is. so beautiful. this is everything i've wanted to express for my whole life laid out in one blog post. you just made the world a better place.

  3. OMG our lists almost coincide COMPLETELY! I love this. And Howl. And Legolas. And Anakin. A lot.

  4. I'm sorry to inform you that I already had dibs on Wesley. You can have all the others---except I'd like to borrow Howl for a week. You wouldn't miss him-- after all, you would be married to the other fourteen people on your list!!!

  5. Ohh em gee Megan, your list is very very close to mine. And I'd say I already have dibs on... a lot of them, but you're older than me so that probably wouldn't be true. Darn.
    AND I must point out, that not only is Wesley a pirate, he is a NINJA PIRATE. Thus, he is even more hot, AND he defies the theory that Pirates and Ninjas are forever enemies. He is both species EMBODIED.
    And I just watched the LotR series last week and drooled all over my laptop. Ahem.
    Just sayin we are very much on the same wavelength.

  6. We have something in common. I appreciate your top three to the point where we'd probably have to have a lightsaber battle involving freaky elf moves and awesome Aragorn stunts plus Han's blaster shots to see who gets to go out with them first.

  7. Are you still 18? Did you start this blog when you were 17, then? Are you really only 18 in the metaphysical sense? The metaphorical sense? Metafictional sense? Are you stuck in some kind of time bubble? Because seriously, I could pop you out. I have a crochet hook and the fire departement on speed dial (unless they changed their number again. Honestly, you'd think I'm the only girl stalking entire fire brigades the way they carry on...). Anyway, I ramble. But let me know about the bubble.

  8. OKAY! Howl's Moving Castle...crazy good movie! And i strongly agree with your choice of Legolas as first.

    Funny thing, i think we might have telepathy because i was listening to the entire LOTR trilogy Soundtrack on youtube yesterday, and i still want to watch all three movies right now!

  9. Maybe this is just me, But i've always had a thing for Zuko on Avatar The Last Airbender :D and not the new movie, No. I mean the glorious original zuko from the cartoon. he was fine. :D

  10. When I saw Aragorn I was thinking "Dude, Legolas is SO much better" and thus came Legolas. I have a new level of respect for you dear. A new level of respect.

  11. OOOH, I love your new blogskin. The rainbows are so cheery. And I love your newest SL post, by the way. It was hilarious.

  12. WestleyWestleyWestleyWestleyWestleyWestleyWestleyWestleyWestleyWestleyWestleyWestleyWestleyWestleyWestleyWestleyWestleyWestley!

    Can you guess who I love?
    No stealing him!!!

  13. ok so I get your choices (i can even see cormac a little,)but ASH?! really? he's just so... and when he's all pokemon-ing everywhere... he says "i choose you to everyone... he's not even very attactive... his hair and face and clothes and personality are just so... I just want to smack him in the face, ya know?

  14. Cormac??? No, no, no... You've got it all wrong. Oliver Wood is way more attractive. He looks a ton like a RM - and RM's are FINE! (I may be the only human in Utah County that has ever thought this about Mr. Wood... I'm probably the only person ever... Dang, I should go sort out my priorities...) But seriously, Oliver Wood is better by far.


  16. O MY GOD! WHen you said Howl I just about started to melt. I'm SOO in love with him! I mean, later (after he gets black hair, which was pretty dang hot but then he ruined it with his chick do) he looked like a girl...But I would still TOTALLY marry him...And much, much more. Lol. Actually, that sounds kind of wrong. But whatever. It's for Howl.

  17. Oh and Prince Zuko. DROOL....Maybe I've just got something for the anime guys all bad turned good. Like the Ouran Highschool Host Club. Totes weirdos, but I love them. Oh I love them so much. Why can't they be real :'(

  18. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love Zuko. He and I are getting married actually, did you hear?! WE ARE SO IN LOVE! He just doesn't know it yet.

    Also... Ed Cullen HAHA... ha...

  19. You should check out Mr. Thornton/Richard Armitage (movie is North & South).
    Just sayin... ;)

  20. Just about everything. The only thing I disagree on is Jacob. I mean, yes, he was bad-a, but HE'S GONE NOW.
    HOORAAAAAY for Legolas.

  21. WESTLEEEEEEEEEEY! AAAAAAH! *dies from the hot*

  22. *faints*
    I LOVE Aragorn, Cormack and Legolas!!!!


  23. howl? yesyesyesyesyesyesyes x a million. i have no idea why, but all i can say is YES.

  24. You just made my day!! Four of my favorite characters are on this list: Westley, Howl (the Japanese voice actor's voice is super sexy and makes me melt), Aragon and Legolas. Around Howl,I started giggling and now I'm being chased out of the library. You ROCK!!
    P.S. You forgot Haku from Spirited Away.
    P.S.S I used to think Jacob was a tiny pinprick of light at the end of a very dark tunnel but, after reading BD, I realized the tunnel was a black-hole and he was the event horizon demarcating the point of no return.



  27. i read this, watched Howl's Moving Castle AND NOW CAN'T STOP OBSESSING OVER HOWL ALL DAY LONG!



  29. Oh my goodness this is SOOOOO WEIRD. I have a post similar to this on my blog and we have a lot of the same people on our list! I think you would like it. Do check it out!

  30. Thank you for putting Batman. You are the best thing ever. (I've been saying that a lot, but the Internet keeps improving upon itself.) I mean it this time.

  31. why is aragorn in second place? WHY IS ARAGORN IN SECOND PLACE.

  32. I have....about 1000 photos of Aragorn and Legolas on my phone. =) <3 <3 <3 them...
    And because I'm Arwen, I'm married to Aragorn. Right? Right. =D

  33. Has anyone else ever noticed that Link and Legolas are kind of similar? Like, one is animated and prefers a sword and various other weapons over the bow, and the other one doesn't go on missions for a princess (that we know of), but the blond hair, the pointy ears, the hotness...

  34. This comment has been removed by the author.

  35. In my opinion, I think Link should be at least # 3. Just sayin.

  36. Legolas an Aragorn are so DAM sexy

  37. Legolas and Aragorn are si fucking sexy

  38. Aragorn is so freaking sexy man. Most girls like Legolas more, and I can definitely see why, for he too is one of the most beautiful things in the world. But Aragorn. Ugh. His manliness makes me melt. AND THE BEARD. GAHH I LOVE ARAGORN SO MUCH.


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