Wednesday, August 29, 2012

That one time when a particularly voluptuous robot swindled me out of some alligators

Today I was checking my email on Hotmail because I signed up for an email account at the age of 13 and I don't like change so HOTMAIL IT IS. Little did I know that the MSN messenger chat service I also used at the age of 13 was up and functional, and I was totally signed in to it. Then a little chat box popped up on my screen from Jen+Lova. Now, I'm not entirely sure who she is, but I'm positive she's a robot. So I guess I am entirely sure who she is.



Jen+Lova says:
heya

megan prietzel says:
Hello, who is this?

Jen+Lova says:
hello to you too

megan prietzel says:
You don't know who I am.
I mean it's possible, but I doubt it.

Jen+Lova says:
Hey hun, How ru doing today? Wanna chat for a little ?!? Im bored and wanted to meet new people... 

megan prietzel says:
Ooooh I see. This is a spam bot. I GET YOU NOW.

Jen+Lova says:
nah, I am a vegetarian... no spam for me! haha

megan prietzel says:
Oh okay, so you're a spam bot that automatically sends a negative response whenever I type the word "spam."

Jen+Lova says:
a what?

megan prietzel says:
SPAM
SPAMMY SPAM SPAM

Jen+Lova says:
Cool... Well, I am Jenny Im originally from S.Florida... Let me ask you a question?

megan prietzel says:
Okay, but first let me ask you one. Is it fulfilling, being a spam bot? I mean, do you get a sense of accomplishment from your work?
I once considered being a spam bot, however I'm not a robot.
It was a poor career choice.

Jen+Lova says:
bot? like a robot? lol

megan prietzel says:
Yes, like your people, Jenny from South Florida.

Jen+Lova says:
i LOVE florida, my best friend Becky lives in Boca Raton, I visit down there all the time

megan prietzel says:
I've been to Florida twice, but I was quite disappointed by the lack of wild alligators roaming the streets.

Jen+Lova says:
Which kinda women u in to ? r u in to NICE TITS or a NICE APPLE BOTTOM ?
 :)
megan prietzel says:
Well, as a heterosexual female, I'm not really into any women, regardless of their varying physical assets. I AM however, into alligators. Why did I not see more alligators, Jenny?

Jen+Lova says:
yes im real

megan prietzel says:
Ah, well that settles it then. You MUST be real.

Jen+Lova says:
good question, huh? lol.. I have a lot of both!! :) would u like to see? I have some free time now... 

megan prietzel says:
A lot of alligators? Or a lot of physical assets? I'd be very interested in seeing the alligators. Could you please email me some photos of said alligators? And could you please name one Pixie McGillus for me? And could you tell her she's the prettiest alligator of them all?

Jen+Lova says:
pics are old skool hehe, i like to do cam 2 cam :) i'm online right now http://www.reddit.com/tb/y90pm/im the main girl u see there, type to me on the right hand side of my video

megan prietzel says:
Oh, I don't mind if the photos are old school. Alligators do well in all types of photography genres, I think. Very timeless, alligators. 

Jen+Lova says:
pics are old skool hehe, i like to do cam 2 cam :) i'm online right now http://www.reddit.com/tb/y90pm/im the main girl u see there, type to me on the right hand side of my video

megan prietzel says:
Oh, I think you resent that, robot.
I MEAN DEFINITELY REAL GIRL.

Jen+Lova says:
i dont think so

megan prietzel says:
...I think you did. In fact I can see that you did.
You definitely did, Jenna.

Jen+Lova says:
Yay... let me set up my cam n u can watch me shake my booty!! LOL.. brb 

megan prietzel says:
I'm starting to suspect that you're not from South Florida AT ALL.

Jen+Lova says:
Ok! Click here http://www.reddit.com/tb/y90pm/and we'll have a PRIVATE 1on1 chat..There's plenty pix of me in there, if you like click the "join free" on top, then register and it'll take you straight to my webcam, I'll be there in a minute.. :)

megan prietzel says:
Is Booty the name of one of your alligators?

Jen+Lova says:
jennifer is my real name but all my friends call me jenny

megan prietzel says:
Hey Jennifer, I'm totally online on your website thing. SHOW ME THE GATORS.

Jen+Lova says:
hey whats up sweetie?

megan prietzel says:
You know, I'm trying to have a conversation with you, but you're so disjointed that I'm starting to think you don't really know what's going on.
Like you're distracted, or something.

Jen+Lova says:
It might say that im offline, just start signing up.. im getting on now.. 

megan prietzel says:
Oh, oh so you're NOT online?
Wait, I thought you were DEFINITELY online.
I thought we were going to do this alligator thing. Am I being had, Jenny?

Jen+Lova says:
There is no charge to sign up, but its gonna ask you for your credit card. Im wearing almost nothing and I dont want any kids watching me!! lol.. 

megan prietzel says:
All I have to do to verify my age is give you all my credit card information? Sounds legit.

Jen+Lova says:
Once you've completed that, it'll automatically redirect you to my webcam page.. u better give me some "gold" when you're on the site lol..it's like a flirt and I'd love some from you ..k? :)

megan prietzel says:
Okay I'm a little stuck. Should I also include my social security number, just to make ABSOLUTELY sure that I'm not under 18?

Jen+Lova says:
24/f/Houston

megan prietzel says:
I THOUGHT YOU WERE FROM FLORIDA.
I don't know what to believe anymore. 

Jen+Lova says: 
k u in?

megan prietzel says:
...Well I guess so. I must admit, my faith in you is a little shaken, but as you now have my credit card information and my social security number, who can I trust if not you, right? LOL.

Jen+Lova says:
my cell is 206-222-1648, please dont give that out! lol

megan prietzel says:
I'm totally posting this to my blog, you know.
JESSICA, WHERE DID YOU GO?
I mean, Jennifer.
Jenny.
Whatever.
...There are no alligators, are there?





I never did get to see Pixie McGillus. But I am now fighting the irrational urge to call that number and continue on our conversation about alligators. I could be like, "Oh yeah, no really, I TOTALLY want to see your apple bottom, but first answer me this: do alligators really live in sewers, or is that just an urban legend?"