Sunday, November 14, 2010

Super interesting stuff, here. In, like, a boring kind of way.

I'M BACK!  And I had bacon on Saturday morning.  Oh mother, thou knowest me so well.

I wish I had an awesome story to tell you.  But my weekend went like this:
1. Megan does not go see the high school play that she really wanted to see.  She looks like this, only hotter:  :(
2. Megan eats her weight in truffles.
3. Megan has bacon.
4. Megan spends three hours eating a corndog in a seedy rural gas station while being ogled by a strange man who walked out of the front door backward in order to continue said ogling all the way out to his car.  Megan also saw a drug deal being performed in front of the gas station, and later talked to the drug dealer.  Megan debated whether or not she should have called the cops instead of pointing him to the nearest ATM.
5. Just now, Megan realizes that there is a weekend story.  Oh.
6. Megan saw "Megamind."  Megan had serious issues with "Megamind."  She hated it.  She wrote a review.  If SparkLife doesn't publish it, it will be posted here.  But probably it will be on SparkLife this week at some point.
7. Megan breathes air.
8. Megan's brother buys two packs of Star Wars playing cards.  Megan gets very jealous.  Megan begs for one and is thwarted.  She plots to steal said cards, but her brother knows her ways and prevents this by saying, "No."  Megan gets pissed that all she has are stupid peanut M&M cards.  Megan doesn't even like peanut M&Ms.

I'm tired of writing my name now.  It's hard.  Megan will refer to herself as "Juicy Fruit Chewing Gum" for the remainder of this post.

9.  Juicy Fruit Chewing Gum eats a lot of McDonald's because she loves it.  She realizes that 20,874 people will now comment/email her to inform her that McD's is disgusting and icky and will kill her.  Here is your answer, before you email: Yes.  I know.  I like to bathe in mercury and inhale straight carbon monoxide, though, so I figure McDonald's isn't really a big deal, by comparison.

10.  That's about it.

11.  Oh wait, Juicy Fruit Chewing Gum also spends two days obsessing over Good Dog and Bad Dog because they were shaved recently and it is cold here it Utah.  She spends ludicrous amounts of time wrapping dogs in blankets.  

So maybe I'll write about the seedy gas station.  That sounds mildly interesting.  Right?

Also, New Moon post?  I think maybe so.  We'll see how it goes.

Comment that made me lulz: "I don't know Megan...that ":(" looks pretty FIINE to me! Like, on a scale of sexiness, 1 being Susan Boyle and 10 being not Susan Boyle, it would OH MY GOD DO I SMELL BACON?! Please excuse me while I partake in my bacon sniffing festivities" -Erik


  1. Ich liebe dich sehr viel!
    New Moon post would def be totes awesome.
    Just like you :)

  2. yay number 2 :)
    sry ur weekend wasn't as good as u wanted :(
    i dnt like Peanut M&M's either. :P and McDonalds is awesomeness.. but it will still kill you haha.
    and being ogled isnt always bad. it just means ur very pulchritudinous (which u r :D) and he was just admiring ur pulchritudinousnesssiesouss.. but you shuldve racked him anyway. it wouldve been funny. and maybe the drug dealer too. lol.

  3. For rizzles!? You don't like the fantabulous that is PEANUT M&M'S!?!?!? How dare you! They're, like, these little circular peanuts covered in chocolate and a questionable yet colorful outer shell all of which are filled with,! And joy!
    Jealous, you got oogled. That's only one letter away from being googled. Equally awesome.

  4. So Megan... I discovered you one Sparklife, and I was all "Oohhh yea Megan's rule" so then I noticed this link to your blog. However, after looking at your pictures, I became deeply saddened, because all of your Megan pictures were brunette; and all the Megans i know are blond, including yours truly. So, i am simply writing this to demand hair color diversity even though you are a brunette.

  5. MEGAN!!!

    OMGAWD i discovered you on sparklife also and LOVED you're articles with a laugh-out-loud passion of hilariousness, and came here due to an adequate amount of curiosity. i love your blog (and the pictures :P) and i especially love the fact that there is another Megan out there who appreciates the epic epicness of bacon and unicorns :D (YES, my name is Megan too, and i am a brunette!!!) Lolz anywho plz to continue your awesome blog, and congrats on being AWESOME!!!

    Signed, Megan #2

    "nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm :)"

  6. Hey I have a question for you!

    Now that I think about it, it's probably really offensive and people will think I'm some major jerk. Well, actually. I don't care, but I'll say sorry anyways (since it's like social etiquette, although by asking this question I'm probably negating all my good manners I just displayed by saying sorry in the first place.)

    Do you have like ADHD (or ADD, but aren't they basically the same thing?) or something? Because really, all the amazingly funny people have it (and by that I mean all the people graced with your type of humor which is on a whole new level that would probably compare to some comedian who is so good the God's hire him for their weddings and such) like NigaHiga (total internet awesomeness) or Hyperbole and a Half (I love her, like literally love her. And now I love you too...)(they're like my idols. I seriously stride to be like them every day)(Okay, not really).

    And on a totally different note, is your name Megan Megan? Or did you just think MeganSquared sounded cool?

    So sorry if I offended you by saying you make me think of someone with ADHD (although in all honesty I would take it as a compliment since your humor makes me really jealous. Like REALLY jealous. Like green with envy, LITERALLY)(ok not literally. but if it were possible, literally.).

    I understand if I come back here and my comment is deleted (because it was scaring people away and it's REALLY long and I probably shoulda just emailed it to you but I got lazy), but my curiosity got the best of me (if I were a cat I'd be dead by now)(can you tell I really like parenthesis? BECAUSE I DO!).

    SOOOO, to wrap this all up. I love your blog (and please don't hate me) and your sense of humor just made me pee on myself a little bit (yeah, I just laughed that hard. You got something to say about it?).

    <3 Tulsa Jones (wow that was REALLY long...sorry, again. Even though I don't really mean it...Well I mean, I did mean it that other time. But this time I didn't, since you know, if it's too long or offends you or whatever, you shoulda just stopped reading it? You know? Ok really, I'm done now.)

  7. I don't know Megan...that ":(" looks pretty FIINE to me! Like, on a scale of sexiness, 1 being Susan Boyle and 10 being not Susan Boyle, it would OH MY GOD DO I SMELL BACON?! Please excuse me while I partake in my bacon sniffing festivities

    (Hello. I, also, like parenthesis.)
    DUUUUDE. I'm never offended. You could be like, "your face looks like a lemur that ran into a wall and then turned into something even uglier," and I'd be like, "Hahahaha that's funny. Let's play ping pong."

    As far as ADD or ADHD go, it's HIGHLY possible that I have undiagnosed ADD or ADHD. Also, I'm pretty sure I have mild OCD. Go read about my near-tragic car accident with Doug. I don't drive anymore because of that, because everyone is nearly positive that I have ADD and need to be tested.

    So, in conclusion, yes, I probably have ADD and other brain stuff going on, and I'm not offended.


  9. YES. I have something to mark off my bucket list!

    23. [ ] Go skydiving and not die
    24. [ ] Marry Beyonce
    25. [ ] Divorce Beyonce
    26. [X] Make Megan Prietzel lulz
    27. [ ] Raise awareness for starving kids in Guatemala (because I feel they are overshadowed by the starving kids in Africa)
    28. [X] Go through life not having face stomped on by elephants


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