Those of you who follow me on Twitter know that I'm kind of an idiot who says things like, "I'm not saying you're a zombie. I'm implying it. There's a difference." and "I ate like twenty gummy bear vitamins. Am I going to die?" and "I had a dream that I was mauled by a baby-hating bear last night. My dream reaction: I have to tweet this if I don't die." I am clearly not meant for Twitter but since no one has kicked me off yet I assume I'm still in the clear. Anyway, I found this website that I guess analyzes your old tweets and then tells you what your next tweets will be. Probably. It is startlingly accurate, so far:
"Help! He's repressing me! Did you blink too insane even for attack and loathing for survival are?"
"Funny thing about the challenge. Never look up a cerebrospinal fluid leak. Thing I am not: microwave safe."
"Found two more live-able."
"I'm pretty sure I want this job?"
"Actually thus far I am not a flavor of detergent instead of curls."
"Dumb tacks. Officially have a unicorn. Yes! This shopping cart's wheels won't turn right. Me."
"All I ate like a guy in marshmallow. You didn't deserve that."
"The Fellowship of ice cream called Sparkle. I karate chopped that paper."
"Officially have a passion for you to sit down."
"Thing I dropped last night. Oh. Pretend that I want to college, kids."
"I'm still awake. Lolz, I'm implying it. Silence. Don't go to your lap murderer? "
"Sleep placebo: I'll just float around behind you, weeping until you can write or draw."
"Am now throwing a purple horse named Sweetbottom to share stories about"
"Just stole a guy in the tree. I assure you, I ate like to get somewhat interesting."
And my personal favorites:
"....what is a bunch of curls. It'll fall out to own me. The Sand People are the floor."
"Whoever found my head hurts sooo bad."
"Jimmer, you are the first ten minutes."
"The bottom of my skill set consists of detergent instead of the existence of the Ring."
"Just stole a book shaped present turned out of detergent instead of those free paint cards from WalMart."
"I haven't embraced the wise, kids: DO YOUR HOMEWORK ON TIME."
"1: Why do you want to be alive."
"I'm busily asserting my air."
"Apparently Vegas was a zombie apocalypse. Love this job?"
"I think I'm sorry, Twitter."
And the winner is:
"I'm a baby-hating bear vitamin."
I think the moral of this story is that I should develop real interests. Either that, or everyone should be following me on Twitter.