Thursday, January 13, 2011

Sometimes I'm accidently funny without meaning to be. Also, sometimes I spell accidently as "accidentally" because I suck.

Updated:  Apparently it really is spelled "accidentally" and I've been right all along.  So it's kind of like my failure is a success, if you think about it.

I actually was planning on writing a very long illustrated post today, but a friend of mine brought something else to my attention.  Also, I've been working for hours upon hours on a special project for SparkLife, and when you see it you will be all, "THAT took you hours upon hours?" and I will say, "DUDE do you know how long it took me to draw four bears?  DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME?" and then I will indisputably win the argument and you will bask in my glory or whatever.

Anyway, my friend texted me a very long text but mostly what stuck out to me was something that a lot of people have asked me: "How are you so funny?"  He actually worded it differently, but the concept is the same.  And it's a question that a lot of people have emailed me about, and a lot of times they are looking for tips to help them excel at comedy.  So, how am I funny?

Well there's an easy answer to that.  I have no freaking idea.

To be completely honest, I don't think I'm funny at all.  If real life is any indication, I'm just an instigator of awkward conversations.  In actual every day situations my humor falls flat all the time and that's assuming I even know what to talk about to begin with because more than half of my life is spent like this:


Usually when this happens (EVERY DAY) I just run away as quickly as possible and retreat to my dorm room.  I'm still trying to figure out how to be socially acceptable as a human being, but so far most of my attempts at humor and conversation have been so painfully futile, I just don't say anything.  Or I'll go through this really horrible process in which my brain starts grinding against itself and my vocal chords issue forth a horrible buzzing sound.  Inside my head I'm all, "I need to say something.  I'm going to say something about zombies.  But wait!  Previous experience has taught me that talking about zombies is not successful.  What do I talk about, then?  Um, I could talk about how much I hate cheese.  But most people like cheese.  What if he thinks I'm a freak because I don't like cheese?  WHAT DO I DO!?  Oh no.  It's been like 2 minutes.  I should say something.  He's probably offended.  But if I say something now, he'll think I'm an idiot.  Wait, what did he ask me?  I don't know.  Something about zombie cheese.  Ew, gross.  But...in a cool way.  I would totally like zombie cheese.  Not to eat, but just to look at for a minute."  And then by the time I formulate an acceptable answer, my conversational partner is gone and by then my brain is trying to bash it's way out of my idiotic skull anyway so it doesn't really matter.








But here, on the magical world of the internet, I have found that everything is wonderful and full of love and happiness and puppies and puppy-ness.  And videos of cats in boxes!  And EVERYONE likes zombies!  And suddenly, I'm funny.  But I haven't ever been funny before.  That's why I'm at a total loss as to answering your questions, see?  People ask how to be funny or how to make their blogs funny and I'm just all "Uuuuuummmmm......" and then I start giggling nervously and talking about spaceships because I'm scared that my secret will be revealed and everyone will realize that I'm not funny at all.  So here are my comedy tips: 

1.  Be funny.
2.  Don't be not funny.
3.  When in doubt, draw a really terrible picture of yourself.
4.  When that doesn't work, wallow in self-pity.
5.  Mention glitter as often as possible.  Also, think about dinosaurs a lot.
6.  Be mildly offensive.
7.  Draw more things.
8.  Read blogs that you think are funny and try to draw some inspiration.
10.  Eat debilitating amounts of junk food.

...And that's about it.  That's all I've got so far.  I'm learning, brothers and sisters.  Thank you for liking me, because I certainly like you back.  Let's be together forever.

16 comments:

  1. I am proud to say I laughed like an idiot at those illustrations.
    (What the heck??? That doesn't even make sense.) (Whatever. No one cares.) (I care.) (Moving on.)
    Oh, and does commenting summon a unicorn to you? Or me? Because I've commented on your blog before and haven't received said glittery, magical beast yet. I expect on at 8am tomorrow.
    KTHKZBAI.

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  2. That reminds me of me right now! Because I am sitting here thinking that this is a good post that deserves my attention and that I should comment on it, but then I can't think of anything to say, but then I realise that's okay because I can make some semirelated postmodernist comment like this one and it'll probably work, but then even as I'm typing that up I notice that the Autocorrect on this device consistently changes "am" to "A'm" and I have no idea why, and that's not even really a word, but it DOES get me thinking about how I still have to work my way through Baldur's Gate II: Shadows Of Amn at some point. After I finish the first one.
    Uhm. Rambling?

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  3. So you're awkward? I don't think you're awkward. You're on Sparklife, so you must be awesome. Before you were on Sparklife, you were at the cusp at awesome but still awkward...So awkward is awesome? yay...I'm awkward,too.. yay *cowers in corner and hangs head behind purple bleachers* yay

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  4. your pictures were as funny as shit. and shit ain't even that funny. (i love your blog)

    i wonder if you'd get mad if i advertised my blog in your comments section. actually, what i really wonder is whether or not people would label me as a loser. i sure hope they don't. what if i whisper the name of my blog? would that count? (*lol-its-lia.blogspot.com*) that was really quiet, wasn't it. tell me if you need to hear it again.

    I LOVE YOU MEGAN PRETZEL! I KNOW YOU'RE NOT REALLY A PRETZEL BTW.

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  5. the internet is a DoggyDog World.. (Modern Family: if you're not watching it... you should be)

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  6. That sounds like me. Only I'm usually really shy in real life so at home I can ramble on all I want because my family is used to it. I like bubbles.

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  7. I can relate to that. I guess I've never had even an ounce of a comedian's guts, so I usually just shut up in class and laugh, a lot, but I don't say anything because I'm afraid that whatever remark that leaves my mouth will turn out to be "not funny. At. all."

    And I love your drawings. (:

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  8. I was cracking up SO hard at those pictures.

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  9. Professor: "The sky shimmered with..."
    Megan: "METH FUMES!"

    good times.

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  10. It is so fantastic that there are other people as awkward as I am. Turns out shouting "SALSA!" when your math teacher mentions pi does NOT go over well with the rest of the class. (I'll spare the details, but let's just say there were some awkward silences)

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  13. Every time you feel Awkward, think of it in reverse.

    DRAWKWA!

    And really... nothing that sounds like the magical darculabird (bat?) fight song can be too bad.

    ;-F

    -Tania

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  14. Megan, every sentence in this blog post explodes with funniness.

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  15. I'm also awkward! But I have this really close friend who's always like "why doesn't anyone else hear your jokes???" And now I go this thing for her sweet sixteen every two weeks(we're going to do this epic waltz thing) and now other people are like saying the same thing "why doesn't anyone HEAR her??? She is so funny!!!" and I'm like all like "Nah, I'm not funny. I just say stupid things and people laugh at me." Maybe you don't say your jokes loud enough? Idk.. That's my problem, I guess. Also, I say really weird jokes sometimes. I guess you have that problem too?! Can we be forever buddies? Did I just say that? THAT WASNT ME it was my pet fish. His name is Sky and he likes salmon.

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  16. I have the same deal Megan :D I don't know what to say all the time. But luckily for myself, i don't make gurgling noises while i process out an answer...well..I can only hope I don't. I must have some really good friends if i do, but i'm mildly crazy so they'd understand right? and Zombie cheese sounds very intresting...like something you'd find in my uncle's basement :D

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