I actually was planning on writing a very long illustrated post today, but a friend of mine brought something else to my attention. Also, I've been working for hours upon hours on a special project for SparkLife, and when you see it you will be all, "THAT took you hours upon hours?" and I will say, "DUDE do you know how long it took me to draw four bears? DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME?" and then I will indisputably win the argument and you will bask in my glory or whatever.
Anyway, my friend texted me a very long text but mostly what stuck out to me was something that a lot of people have asked me: "How are you so funny?" He actually worded it differently, but the concept is the same. And it's a question that a lot of people have emailed me about, and a lot of times they are looking for tips to help them excel at comedy. So, how am I funny?
Well there's an easy answer to that. I have no freaking idea.
To be completely honest, I don't think I'm funny at all. If real life is any indication, I'm just an instigator of awkward conversations. In actual every day situations my humor falls flat all the time and that's assuming I even know what to talk about to begin with because more than half of my life is spent like this:
Usually when this happens (EVERY DAY) I just run away as quickly as possible and retreat to my dorm room. I'm still trying to figure out how to be socially acceptable as a human being, but so far most of my attempts at humor and conversation have been so painfully futile, I just don't say anything. Or I'll go through this really horrible process in which my brain starts grinding against itself and my vocal chords issue forth a horrible buzzing sound. Inside my head I'm all, "I need to say something. I'm going to say something about zombies. But wait! Previous experience has taught me that talking about zombies is not successful. What do I talk about, then? Um, I could talk about how much I hate cheese. But most people like cheese. What if he thinks I'm a freak because I don't like cheese? WHAT DO I DO!? Oh no. It's been like 2 minutes. I should say something. He's probably offended. But if I say something now, he'll think I'm an idiot. Wait, what did he ask me? I don't know. Something about zombie cheese. Ew, gross. But...in a cool way. I would totally like zombie cheese. Not to eat, but just to look at for a minute." And then by the time I formulate an acceptable answer, my conversational partner is gone and by then my brain is trying to bash it's way out of my idiotic skull anyway so it doesn't really matter.
But here, on the magical world of the internet, I have found that everything is wonderful and full of love and happiness and puppies and puppy-ness. And videos of cats in boxes! And EVERYONE likes zombies! And suddenly, I'm funny. But I haven't ever been funny before. That's why I'm at a total loss as to answering your questions, see? People ask how to be funny or how to make their blogs funny and I'm just all "Uuuuuummmmm......" and then I start giggling nervously and talking about spaceships because I'm scared that my secret will be revealed and everyone will realize that I'm not funny at all. So here are my comedy tips:
1. Be funny.
2. Don't be not funny.
3. When in doubt, draw a really terrible picture of yourself.
4. When that doesn't work, wallow in self-pity.
5. Mention glitter as often as possible. Also, think about dinosaurs a lot.
6. Be mildly offensive.
7. Draw more things.
8. Read blogs that you think are funny and try to draw some inspiration.
10. Eat debilitating amounts of junk food.
...And that's about it. That's all I've got so far. I'm learning, brothers and sisters. Thank you for liking me, because I certainly like you back. Let's be together forever.