Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Mostly I can't choose a team. I'm leaning toward unicorns because they sparkle.

I bought this book called Zombies VS. Unicorns.  And when I say "I bought" I mean "someone in my family gave me a gift card to Barnes and Noble" and when I say "someone in my family" I mean "I can't remember who."

So, yeah, hey family.  I'm totally grateful for your gifts that enable me to buy zombie-unicorn books.

Note the bird-man on top.  Trivia: it's actually a poorly drawn zombie being eaten by a bird.  Awesome.
That is what this book looks like.  Only better.  And...more realistic.  Although I don't know how that's possible, because it would appear that my MS Paint skills have only improved with time.

OMG FINE.  Here.  Click this link.  I HOPE YOU'RE SATISFIED.

Anyway, I was at Barnes and Noble with my boyfriend, just spending the crap out of all my unused Christmas gift cards when suddenly, a shiny black cover gleamed from the recesses of the "Paranormal Teen Novel Fantasy Whatever" section.  Being who I am, I instantly screamed "ZOMBIES VERSUS UNICORNS!!!" I then brushed my fingers lovingly across the cover and whispered solemnly and with all the reverence I could muster, "I must have this."

The great thing about my boyfriend is that he just expects things like this.

When I showed my step-dad he rolled his eyes and said, "Well at least you didn't waste your money," and I was like "I know!  What a buy, right?!" and he rolled his eyes again.  In retrospect, I think he may believe I've wasted my money.

Anyway, I thought this book would be the best purchase I've ever made in my life, and in some ways I was right.  In others...I was so, so wrong.  The book is basically a collection of short stories from various authors on two opposing teams.  I've enjoyed most of the stories so far.  However, there has been bestiality, homosexual naked special hugs, and curse words.  The BAD kind of curse words. 

I'm a prude.  I don't swear.  I'm easily shocked.  But this book is about zombies and unicorns!  It was MADE for me!  But it's so SHOCKING.  But some of the stories are SO GOOD.  But THE PARTIAL NUDITY.

I don't know what to believe anymore.



I think I'll just go get a hot dog.

14 comments:

  1. I clicked the link! ...and was underwhelmed. You made it sound so epic, but the original cover is just... bland. And line-ey. I'd be more likely to buy it with your cover!

    ALSO. Looking at your pie chart... you should probably get yourself a hot dog before you explode. Or something.

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  2. P.S. Looking forward to the redesign! I really like your new favicon.

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  3. I prefer your cover, too. And you underestimate yourself, it is pretty damn near the original.
    I love you. Why won't you blog more often?

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  4. Can unicorns be zombified, or are they immune?

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  5. I say zombies because they're more fun to shoot. Killing unicorns is just inhumane and extremely sad.

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  6. Shut up. You're the most amazing human. I die!

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  7. I actually freaked out when I saw this book at the store a couple of months ago. Then my friend was all like "OH MY GOSH I OWN THIS." So now I need to find a way to sneak into her house and take it in the dead of the night. Or, like, I could borrow it. I guess.

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  8. Borrowing is code word for WUSSING OUT. You done good, Gabi. Keep concocting that sneaky plan.

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  9. YOU ARE BACK. THAT IS SO GREAT. I MISSED YOU.

    I also now want that book :P

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  10. It really is a world tragedy that you don't blog more. Until your next post, WHERE DO THE UNICORNS GO?

    Belly B

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  11. Zombies Vs. Unicorns? How about zombies and unicorns, all wrapped up into one, THAT YOU CAN WEAR ON YOUR BODY?!

    http://www.punk.com/1539677.html

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  12. I hope you know I've totally been blog-stalking you now, and I must say...It makes me cry that we aren't real-life friends. For reals. I'm pretty sure you'd have me laughing every second of my life, and this I adore.

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