MORE STATII!

I'm going to Florida on vacation for a few days.  On a scale of one to ten, how jelly are you?  (Not the fruit kind.  The jealous kind.)  It's 8, right?  I thought it would be.

Anyway, here is something to prove that I am still a living human being while I am gone!  Facebook Statii part deux.  Since I will be in an airplane and at the airport tomorrow, perhaps some crazy mishaps will result in another traveling story!  Or maybe I'll just finish the first one...YOU NEVER KNOW.  Miracles do happen, people. 

 

-A bee flew into my room. It is banging against the window, unable to find the open half. What an idiot. However, I now have to decide whether it is more important to protect my room from the pouring rain or get the killer death insect outside. I'll probably just end up falling asleep.

-Don't pretend like you never wanted to be a marine biologist. Every kid wanted to be a marine biologist.

-When I die I want you guys to cremate me. Then shove my remains into a bunch of shotgun shells and use me to fight crime. Okay? Either that, or I want to be made into a firework.

-My problem is that I don't ever want to go to bed. And then I don't ever want to get out of bed. So....

-The surest way to get me to touch something expensive or fragile is to put a "do not touch" sign up.

-I cannot sleep because my brain is pissed at being awake. Makes sense.

-Ways to impress a hobbit number 14: climb over things.

-Looking at the Super Moon:
"Wow that is super bright"
"JIMMER GET DOWN FROM THERE!"

-Sprite and Costco cookies for everyone!!! #PartyLikeReliefSociety

-Tavia's Words of Wisdom: Obama, please make a law that says people can't call me a freak.

-Tavia: "We can only have three ounces of liquid through airport security. The terrorists have won."
Me: "...Why are they letting the terrorists have one of anything?? Wait, WHY ARE THEY LETTING THE TERRORISTS ON PLANES?!?!"

-I drank a lot of caffeine. Also, I'm getting married. Please RSVP so that I know how many chicken nuggets to order for the reception.

-My finger is stuck in the plastic wrap part that is supposed to go around the chapstick lid. Huh. Didn't expect that.

-I am unabashedly and somewhat disturbingly interested in all of your relationships.

-NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME. EXCEPT FOR FRODO. But he's a whiny brat, so that's disheartening.

-I would never PURPOSELY jump out my window, but if it ever happened accidentally then I bet Hayward would feel bad and he would kiss me. So if it ever happens on accident and I don't die, I have something to look forward to.

-I ate like 20 gummy bear vitamins. Am I going to die?

-I have elbows.

-Mentally reviewing my debilitating list of embarrassing moments. They're all just as humiliating in retrospect.

-I don't even know what that means but I disagree completely.

-Girl just knocked on my door:
Girl: I have a presentation.
Me: ...Okay.
Girl: (Talks about cellular respiration and photosynthesis for ten minutes using a chart filled with complicated illustrations.)
Me: Oh. Awesome.
Girl: Okay. Have a nice day.
Me: ...Kay bye.

-It takes talent to so thoroughly deny the obvious. And let me tell you, I am talented.

-I like to say things, especially if I haven't thought about them first.

-Tavia: "Is this a remix?"
Me: "I don't know I'm watching a video of a dog taking a bath."

-It's like speaking to a brick wall. Or a small child. A very young wall made of bricks and children.

-I want to be inside your personal space.

-Tavia's Words of Wisdom: "You can buy a flamethrower for 230 dollars. Actually, 229.99."

-I wish Facebook was more specific: "Sarah is now friends with Mary because she wants to go through all of Mary's pictures and convince herself that Nick is crazy to date her because Mary is totally not that hot."

-Never look up symptoms online. So far I've found that I have Swine Flu, breast cancer, Lyme Disease, and a cerebrospinal fluid leak.

-I am singing the pokemon theme song VERY passionately. This feels right.

-I resisted the urge to buy chocolate at the vending machine for 25 minutes. I decided to reward myself for my perseverance by buying myself two chocolate bars at the vending machine. I'm teaching myself self-control with positive reinforcement.

-I fail at consistency so much that sometimes I even win at consistency.

-Furiously trying to memorize the Pokemon Rap. I'm pretty sure this is a sign that I need a hobby.

-Just googled nine times seven. I'm a sad excuse for a human being.

-Oh you're sorry? We'll see how sorry you really are. Give me your monetary resources.

-I have serious issues with this whole "keeping FAQ/ABOUT/CONTACT" pages current. I'm going to post the words "Salami makes people happy" on all of those pages and call it good.

-I'm rooting for you, really. It's just that your failure is really funny.

-The bottom of my bowl says it's not microwave safe. Whatever, bowl, you don't own me.

-What I should be doing: writing a rhetorical analysis paper. What I am doing: taking a quiz to find out which mythical creature I am. Oh boy!

-I wish I were half as deep as everyone else thinks they are.

-Coke for breakfast. But it's okay because it's caffeine free coke, so basically it's like juice.

-Sometimes my brain says to me "Hey, you're never going to be successful if you don't actually post on your blog" and I say "Well, brain, if you weren't so easily distracted..." and my brain says "SILENCE! Let's think about space pirates" and I'm all "THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT."

-I bought juice. I cannot open the juice. Conspiracy.

-If you like free food, you should read my blog. I'm not really giving away free food, but I like free food too, so I assume we have something in common.

-September resolution: have eyelashes and fingernails. DONE. I'm freakin' accomplished.

-"Do you remember me?! I haven't seen you since you were a baby!" ...Of course I remember you. Good thing I was a super intelligent memory advanced baby or you would look really stupid right now.

-Sometimes I look back and I'm all "...oh dang. In retrospect, maybe that wasn't such a good idea. Oh well. I wonder if we have dinosaur chicken nuggets in the freezer."

-New law: if you find any gold, it's mine.

-Nothing feels better than showering after a week of camping. Except maybe showering after two weeks of camping, but I'll never know because I would NEVER go camping for two weeks.

-I love posting my most personal, emotional struggles on facebook. It's very private, kind of like a virtual diary! And the best part is it's only accessible to 686 friends!

-The perfect Ramen isn't made on a stove. It's made in your heart.

-A friend of mine informed me that my status updates make me seem weird. If the only thing that makes me seem weird are my status updates, I think I'm doing pretty well.

-Google has a sad lack of scorpion puns. I checked.

-My life is exactly like a romantic comedy, except without the romance, or the comedy parts.

-I've worked out TWICE in a row. I had better wake up smokin' hot tomorrow, or SO HELP ME...

-A psycho stalker AND freezing rain? Oh boy, Christmas has come early this year!

-My shampoo spells amazing. I think it's made out of fairies.

-You know when you finish a project, and you spent a ton of time on it, and you're super proud, and then you show people and you're all "LOOK HOW AWESOME" and they're all "yeah cool" but they don't really care because it's not their project, and then you're all "whatever, screw you guys"? Well yeah. Screw you guys, this project is the bomb-tastic.

-Apparently her name is K-e-dollarsign-h-a, not K-dollarsign-s-h-a. Sorry, girl. The procunciation of the dollarsign throws me off.

-If I could punch pop culture in the eye, I would. And then I would hug it and tell it I was sorry, but I wouldn't mean it, and I'd probably get drunk the next night and punch it again. Because that's how I feel about pop culture.

-I almost punched him in the mouth with my brain. But I didn't, because the Jedi believe in peace.

-Oh Elton John. I wish you were here. You'd know what to do.

-My thought process goes from "man I should be doing homework" to "How many internet contests would I have to win in order to get Obama to make a guest appearance on my blog?"

-I know I'm full...I mean really full...but there's cake and I'm bored.

It's surprising that I don't have more friends than I do.

Sometimes I sit in front of my computer for a while and it makes me say idiotic things.  These things manifest themselves in my Facebook statuses.  Oh, that sounded weird.  Facebook stati?  Statii?  Capitalization, maybe?

Facebook Statii.  Yeah, that looks about right.  Anyway, if you read all of these you will notice that I am a brat and also I think I'm incredibly clever.  Feel free to use any of these Statii, so long as you cite me and send me a royalty check every week or so.  I'm flexible.

Enjoy.  I will write a real post about how I suck at music, complete with fancy drawings. BEGIN!:


-I'm going to steal my neighbor's mail because I'm in a bad mood. But I'm not going to open it, because that would be a felony. Also, I'm going to return it 2-5 minutes later. Ha!

-I really enjoy being an insufferable know it all.

-I like to stand out in the rain. But not because I'm deep, more because I'm an idiot.
  
-Look, I don't judge, but you're entirely wrong. And I'm right. And also you're ugly. And you have weird hair.

-Hey, race car guy, I can hear you driving your race car outside my window in a suburb and I just want you to know that shut up.


-I wish facebook would tell me who is actually online. Or give me a million dollars. I'd be happy with either.
  
-Hey look at my status.
  
-The doctor says I'm going to live. Whatever, doctor. Clearly you've never had a migraine before.
  
-I wonder sometimes if my actions are actually consistent with my personality or if they're just a product of sleep deprivation.

-"Have you ever made anything happen, anything you couldn't explain?" 
"Well, my hair IS quite unruly..."
  
-I've spent the last hour trying to figure out where I can live without dying of poisonous animals. Apparently, no matter where I go I am going to be murdered by demon spiders. Also, Australia is a land of horrors. Never go there.
  
-Happy birthday, George Washington. And Abraham Lincoln. And Walker Texas Ranger. And also America.
  
-"Conceded" and "conceited" are not the same thing. You're welcome.
  
-Who else is going to Kid Cudi? I'm going, because I like to go to concerts when I don't know the words to any of the songs.
  
-A search that found my blog: "People legitimately don't like me" and I'm all OH HONEY. You must be in high school. I'm so sorry.

-"Your cute." 
...My...cute? My...WHAT?!?!

-Rain outside+watching that one scene from the Hunchback of Notre Dame where Esmerelda sings "God Help the Outcasts" in the cathedral=me sobbing uncontrollably. I'm embarrassing to myself.

-"Why aren't you wearing pants?"
"Why ARE you wearing pants?"

-I don't have insomnia, I just don't allow myself to go to sleep because I need to update my status regularly. Otherwise you wouldn't know all the details of my life. You're welcome.

 -My face hurts on the inside.

-...Everyone needs to stop getting engaged without telling me. You may get engaged if I am aware. OTHER THAN THAT, NO. I INSIST ON KNOWING ALL THE INTIMATE DETAILS OF YOUR LIFE.

 -Blogging means that you constantly get spam emails with this in the subject line: "MY HEART CHOOSEN TO BLESS YOU."

-AM I CLOGGING UP YOUR NEWSFEED YET??

-I have done absolutely nothing of any value today. I'm not sure if I'm overtly pleased with myself or if I'm experiencing self-loathing.

-Actually, I think my body is just rebelling. I imagine that it was all, "WTF is this, Megan? Seriously? MORE french fries? What about an apple every once in a while? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT AN APPLE IS? Could you maybe throw a couple vitamins my way occasionally? IDIOT."

-I really don't think I've been up this early since way back when I actually cared about being to time on school. So, like, the first three weeks of senior year.

-By this point I seriously doubt the existence of global warming, but if it will help Summer come any faster I will buy 300 aerosol cans of hairspray and empty them into the atmosphere myself.

-I'm going to go through and systematically like a bunch of three week old statuses. That way I can remind you all just how much of a creeper I really am.

-Sometimes I re-post a status I've already used if I think it needs reiterating.

-Sometimes I re-post a status I've already used if I think it needs reiterating.

-Playing Super Smash 64 with Ryan, who is playing as Captain Falcon.
Me: You are stupid.
Ryan: No, I'm CAPTAIN stupid.

-I love my momma, who happens to be in Hawaii getting tan and swimming with dolphins and, like, whatever else you do in Hawaii. Worship volcanoes? Yeah. My mom is worshiping volcanoes today. Happy Mother's Day!

-"Megan is a really awesome girl. -Aristotle"

-Hey guys. I just wanted to let you know that Osama Bin Laden is dead. You heard it here first.

-It's completely silent in my neighborhood. I don't think my neighbors read my status. I'm going to run up and down the street yelling "USA! USA!" and then set fire to an Osama-shaped pile of leaves. That ought to do it.

-Like my status and I'll tell you absolutely nothing of value. But I might tell you what time it is, so there's that incentive.

-I don't know half of you people.

 

Huh.   That was a lot of Statii.  Oh well, now you all know exactly what kind of a human being I am.  THAT.  I'm THAT kind of human being, guys. I'll post more Statii later.  MORE STATII, YOU SAY?  Yes.  More Statii.

 

Feel accomplished the easy way!

Some people are just really good at stuff, you know?  They walk into a room and they're all, "Oh hey.  I won an award for having the sexiest hair in the Western hemisphere.  Also, I got an A in every class ever and am excused from all schooling for forever.  And this morning I burped and twelve people were cured of infectious diseases.  What's up with you?"  It's at this point that I need something better to say than, "Um.  I drew bears for seven hours last night."

Not everyone can be Superman/Dan Bergstein/Harry Potter, right?  Some of us just don't win things (I may or may not be talking specifically about myself).  That is why I have decided to do us all a favor.  Below you will find some very stylish awards that you are free to stick anywhere.  Print 'em out, add 'em to your blog/facebook, run around with them taped all over your body screaming, "I IS WINNER FOR REALLLLZ!!!"  Your call.

 

 

 

 Way to go, champ.   You deserve this.  

Also, I deserve this.  Wanna know how often I win?  Never.  Except that one time when I was a kid and I entered my name into a Radio Disney drawing at the grocery store and I won tickets to see a Jesse McCartney concert because the Radio Disney guys had to give them away before five and only two other kids entered the drawing.  Yeah.  That was awesome.

Updated: Many of you know that I heart The Bloggess more than I heart...a lot of things.  I don't know I can't come up with a comparison.  SUE ME....Please don't though.

Anyway, I was browsing through her blog archives today and stumbled upon this.  Which probably means we have some sort of psychic connection or that I stalk her in my sleep without knowing about it and it kind of freaks me out that we both made awards about bears and unicorns and they both were in the same line of thought which makes me think that maybe I am more like Jenny than I thought and that makes me get excited-faced.  Except her awards are INFINITELY better because she does this crap for a living.  That's excellence.  Anyway, I feel the need to award myself this:

I forgot to title this. Fail.

 Today has been full of blessed miraculous miracles.  If you're a new reader, go down a couple of posts, cause that's where the funny is.  I promise I'll get back on top of being a good blogger soon.

The first post in my new series, tentatively titles "Megan's Life Lessons," is now up on Sparknotes.  ON THE FRONT PAGE.  Click THIS to take a look and possibly laugh.  (P.S. apparently my flaming paperclip of glory looks like a flaming pad.  WHOOPS.)

I love every single person who reads, comments, and subscribes, and you all get to come to my VICTORY PIE party.  (There will be victory pie.)

Would anyone like some victory pie?

Hey there, everybody.

I'm a terrible blogger, I know.  AND I'M SORRY.  It's just that things are getting a little exciting/crazy for me.  I have been writing posts, but right now, they're not for megansquared.  Vague and mysterious, no?  Well that's just how I do things here at megansquared.

Anyway, here's the big news:  If you live under a rock and you don't already know, Sparknotes.com has an awesome, hilarious, hugely entertaining section called SparkLife.  I have wanted to write for SparkLife for, oh I don't know, forever.  I emailed them, tempted them with some prime blog posts and links to this here blog, and BAM!  That onomatopoeia references my new series, which as of yet has no clever title.  It also has not been posted yet.  I am working on it, and as soon as it is up, I will post a link here so that all may bask.

Also!  Contest!  If you can think of a clever/hilarious title for my series, I'll reward you with a personalized drawing!  It might even be a good drawing!  Probably not though.

The series is going to be a lot like this blog; it will be random and have no real linear structure.  Because that's how I roll here at megansquared.  And now at SparkLife.  What of it?!?

Shoot me your ideas, yo!

P.S. Apparently my brilliant layout doesn't look so brilliant in some browsers.  If you use Google Chrome, you're probably seeing something ugly instead of something beautiful.  I apologize.  I would fix it, but I don't know how.  So I won't.  KTHXBAI.

Greeting cards for people who don't really like greeting cards

I like to look at the greeting cards whenever I go to the store.  Sometimes the cards are funny.  Sometimes they're sweet.  But I often wonder why card makers aren't catering to the greater needs of the people.  The people being me.

Have you ever wanted to say something just right, but you couldn't find a card that could express your feelings accurately?  Well I'm about to solve your problem.

You're welcome.

Suck it, normal cards.

I keep trying to Photoshop griffin wings onto a unicorn with a machine gun, but apparently Photoshop hates me.

*Updated*: I'm not actually trying to use a machine gun to work Photoshop. That would just be destructive. Probably in an entertaining way though.


I won something at my school called the "Block E" award, a fact that I found out at graduation. I would tell you why, but I'm not really sure why. Maybe the administrators think I'm excellent. Or maybe they'd pegged me as the type to blow up the school if I didn't get some sort of special recognition. So they gave me a wooden "E" and a sense of unearned accomplishment. Sweet.

Sorry. School violence humor is not funny. School violence is bad. I love happiness and friendship. My peers are so awesome and I'm totally not going to blow them up and all the flammables under my bed are just for science experiments, I swear.


My award in all of it's glory. It came with a nice pin. The certificate says "This certifies that the official "E" of East High is awarded to Megan Prietzel, given in the State of Utah." .....So....can anyone else figure out what it is I accomplished? And now I feel like I'm under some pressure to be awesome, because I've got The Official "E" of my school. THE OFFICIAL "E". I am the official bearer of the official "E" which has officially been awarded to me. Does this school even know me? YOU SHOULD NOT LET ME OFFICIALLY BEAR ANYTHING. I will officially screw it up. Whatever, though. Now I'm the Supreme Dictator of the State of Utah and the official bearer of East High School's official "E", so I dare anyone to question my authority.

Anyway, I just really want to use my "Block E" award to do something meaningful. Like saving baby dolphins. Or I could travel the country with my wooden "E" and shiny red pin and speak to underprivileged kids about how sometimes you can totally get an award for doing absolutely nothing of any merit. Seriously guys, I didn't do a thing. It was like East High was all "Here, Megan. This is for being adequate" and I'm all suh-weet-tastic because it's about darn time someone recognized me for my adequacy. Do you know how hard it is to maintain that image? I constantly have to limit myself from being astonishing. Like a unicorn-griffin with a machine gun that wears a paper bag over its head so that people don't freak out and take pictures and sell them to trashy magazines and then the unicorn-griffin would have to go into hiding and stuff. So yeah. My adequacy=a paper bag.

Holy crap, I'm a great person.

I'm going to bring my "Block E" awards to job interviews and be all "I'm a winner, jerk-heads." So, yeah, take that, hard-working students who have "resumes" and "work experience" and "computer skills." I'm accomplished because of nothing.

So this is what achievement feels like.

Back by popular demand. Meaning one person kind of mentioned in passing that I don't post enough. People are so pushy.

Today was yearbook day and if there is anything more awkward on the face of the planet (other than myself) I'd like to know. I really, really suck at yearbook-ing, the verb. Yearbook day pretty much goes like this:

I get my yearbook. I write my name in it. I walk over to several people that I sort of like and I'm all "hey, sign my yearbook" and they do and I'm all great, I can leave. Then someone yells at me like "OMG MEGAN WE WERE BFF IN HIGH SCHOOL LIKE SIGN MY YEARBOOK!K#!!@" And I kind of just nod and think to myself "well, yes there was that one time that we did have a semi-conversation, so okay. I'll sign it." And then there are some people that I haven't talked to since freshman year that one time when we sat next to each other in some class when we had to speak to each other out of necessity. And they run up to me and are all "AAAHGHH SIGN!" And I do. And I look at their note. And it's all "Spanish was like soooo funny! That one time was hilarious! Scuba diving! hahaha inside joke!! Well, good luck in the future, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! KEEP IN TOUCH I'M SO GLAD WE'RE FRIENDS" And my note was all "You're cool, have a nice life." And then I feel like a jerk, because not only did I write a horrible note, but I also stood there for like ten minutes twiddling my thumbs because my note took .89 seconds to write, and this person is cross-legged on the floor, giggling and scribbling a novel. And I wonder whether I should pick their book back up and write more, or if that would look like I'm trying too hard...and I'm all "screw it, I'm already a jerk anyways" and then I turn around and yell obscenities at the nearest small child.

I was looking at my dad's old yearbook, and it's full of inside jokes and "let's stay friends forever!"'s and wanna know how many of those people ol' Ben-Jammin' still knows? None. Not a single one. Seriously. People are such flakes. What jerks. (I'll probably be the biggest jerk, in the future. I'll also own an army of robots and several Subway chains. I don't like Subway, but I've heard other people do, and I'm such a people pleaser. All I want is to spread happiness, and be a jerk.)

Oh! Also, I have a new thing that lets you interact with me in strange ways. www.formspring.me/megansquared6 is a page where you can ask me awkward, anonymous questions, and I have to answer or my face will explode. Not really, but I'll answer as if my facial structure depended upon it. Questions like this:

Featured question: If you could fondle anyone's knee pit, whose would it be?

My answer: Well, assuming fictional characters are off-limits, probably Mark Macey's, because he would probably enjoy a good knee pit fondling. Or maybe he'd rather fondle my knee pit. I'm not really sure, but it could turn into a knee pit fondling extravaganza. Maybe I should just advertise free knee pit fondling, because I think maybe I could charge a dollar per fondle. That way, I wouldn't have to choose, because I could fondle all day long. If it were a fictional character, probably Frodo Baggins because I'm kind of curious about hobbit knee pits. Are they like a hairy child's knee pits? Probably, except more hardy.
...What was the question?



If you don't know who Mark Macey is, then this wasn't funny to you. But...just trust me when I say that if you knew Mark Macey, you'd want to fondle his knee pit, too.




This is an advertisement that I created for my Journalism class. I used a technique I like to call "pancakes sell" in which I incorporate my secret advertisement weapon. (Hint: the weapon is a stack of pancakes.) Let me know if you'd like me to create one for your small business/social movement/personal entertainment. Better place your order soon, I expect the demand to be high.

I'm surprised she still talks to me, but not really because who wouldn't want to be friends with a super hero? Exactly.

Spring Break means everyone is out of town for a week, including my friend Morgan. While she's having a grand ole' time in California, I'm in ...West Jordan...AWESOME.

(Arguably Morgan might not be having an awesome time because of the earthquake, but ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? An earthquake would be super awesome. As long as I didn't die. Or lose a limb. Fingers are okay, though.)



Morgan: So what are you up to today?

Megan: Well nothing that is too interesting.

Megan: I might make some potstickers.

Megan: Maybe I'll give the dogs a bath.

Megan: Unless disaster befalls the city, in which case I'll put on my supersuit and save the word.

Megan: ....world.

Megan: Not word...

Megan: Although I could save a word, if the need arised.

Megan: Arose?

Megan: Arose.

Megan: Arised isn't a word.

Megan: ZOMG I'M GOING TO SAVE THE WORD ARISED.

Morgan: ok.

Megan: ...don't judge me.



I imagine she read that a couple of times, shaking her head and wondering how much sleep I got last night.

The answer? NONE.



Updated: Be aware, because this is probably going to be me.

I don't know why I haven't been elected yet

For my U.S. Government class, we went to the Utah State Capitol, which I'm pretty sure is a Capitol as opposed to a Capital. Although it has Capitals in it. I could be wrong, it's just never happened before.

So anyway, I thought that maybe this would be my opportunity to seize the power that should, by all rights, be mine. I figured it wouldn't be too hard to slip myself into some bill as the "Supreme Dictator of the State of Utah," but guess what guys, there are RAILS (LIKE SAFETY RAILS) AROUND THE BILL VOTING AREA. I think those areas are called the Senate and the House. Whatever.  But seriously, it's like they don't want me to write myself into a bill as a dictator.

I had to compensate somehow, so I entertained myself by having my friend Michael take pictures of me sitting in places I wasn't allowed in. Also, there were sombreros involved. And I met a guy who works for a news station, and we're now BFF's. So, yeah, I'm kind of important, almost better than the Supreme Dictator of the State of Utah.

At one point, Michael said he'd pay me a dollar if I ran away from our tour guide and up the stairs to touch the Senate door. Which I did, and I still don't have my dollar. And the teacher watched me run all the way up the stairs like "oh no, here we go," and it was awesome.


This is me sitting on a table I wasn't supposed to be sitting on. The tour guide caught me and gave me a sour look. Apparently we were in the governor's office. The governor really needs more comfortable tables.


This is me climbing on a pillar I wasn't supposed to be climbing on but the tour guide wasn't very tall or loud so I couldn't see her or hear her, so really, this is me trying to be a good student. It's not my fault if I have to climb on forbidden pillars in order to learn.


This is me sitting on a very fancy chair at the head of a very fancy table in a very fancy reception room reserved for special guests because all this fancy furniture is very expensive.

My favorite part were the golden cherubs decorating the ceiling. See, I thought cherubs were tacky, but since they're in the Utah State Capitol, I guess cherubs are alright by me. If I ever live in a mansion, I'm going to commission a dozen golden cherub ceilings. Cherubs for everyone!

Anyway, I wasn't supposed to be sitting in this chair, but I sneaked onto it after the guide turned away and Michael was just about to take a picture when some kid was all "HEY is she allowed to do that??" and I almost punched him in the mouth with my brain. But I didn't, because the Jedi believe in peace. So the tour guide sort of got this horrified look on her face and didn't say anything for a very tense moment. Then she was all "Um...I guess..." but I think since it was already too late, she realized she had no choice. Or perhaps the tour guide understood that the powers of the force aren't to be trifled with. She needs to have a serious conversation with the kid who tried to get me in trouble.


After that incident, I think I did pretty well, behavior-wise. At one point I saw a bunch of people in sombreros and I was all "...Michael...I really want a picture with them."  The above picture is photographic evidence that sombreros were in fact involved in my visit.

I don't really know what the sombrero people were doing at the Utah State Capitol. They probably heard about the cherubs.


The capitol was swarming with reporters and cameras and stuff but I didn't really notice until Michael was all "Want a picture with a news guy?" and I was all "DO I?!?!" which means yes. So I sidled up next to this guy, who had a lovely purple tie. Michael asked if he could take a picture of us together, and the guy was all "Um...really?" and because I'm brilliant, my witty reply was "Yes. I like your purple tie." At that point, purple-tie-man just sort of stared at me and said "Okay I guess." But not in a rude way. More of like in a "this-strange-girl-just-showed-up-beside-me-and-wants-a-picture-with-my-tie" kind of way. Actually, he was very nice and gave us his full attention. So purple-tie-man and I kind of awkwardly smiled and Michael snapped a picture and then the purple-tie-man shook my hand and said "I'm Rich, by the way" and apparently Rich is really Richard Piatt who works for KSL news. So, yeah, that's me rubbing shoulders with important people, guys. And if you go here you can read his bio on KSL's website, where he hasn't mentioned me, but I'm sure it's only a matter of time.

Behind me there's a press conference going on. I can only assume that all those people were there because they'd heard I'd be at the capitol trying to assert myself as Supreme Dictator of the State of Utah. Unfortunately, my tour guide, teacher, and fellow classmates weren't of the same opinion, so I never went and made my prepared speech. It was a disappointment to the entire news community. Sorry, Rich. I tried, buddy.

On the bus ride back, I happened to be sitting next to the emergency escape door, and did you know that when you open that thing an alarm goes off? Cause I didn't. Michael made me do it.