A post about how much high school sucks and how important it is to be a decent human being.

When I was in high school, I used to be really, incredibly, insanely, and PAINFULLY jealous of other girls.  I was insecure and more than a little awkward.  I was a total dork but pretended to be into school dances and shopping for expensive dresses and gossiping.

And you know what?  I failed.  I failed hard.  I failed so hard, in fact, that I became absolutely silent at school.  Seriously, if one of these girls who I wanted to be friends with so much as talked to me, my brain would freeze up and I would try so so hard to think of anything to say.  Anything at all.

Hi, self.  It's me again.  Say something.  Anything.  Say that you agree.  Or like her shoes.  Or...I don't know.  Say "hi"?  That's acceptable, right?

And then I would try to say "hi" and it would come out as a nervous squeak and I would feel shame for the rest of the day.

I eventually became friends with all the boys because, well, boys are chill.  They play Halo.  They high five.  They don't feel the need to bash every person not within hearing range.  Being friends with boys in high school, though, means that every single girl is going to call you names.  Mean names, horrible names, and sometimes they're going to blame you for things you didn't do just because blaming you is easier than facing problems themselves. And sometimes they're going to do that in the middle of lunch in front of everyone and it's going to be accompanied by swear words and you're going to cry and get mascara all over your face.  And then you'll go sit in your car and cry some more for a few hours and wonder what's wrong with you and then you'll go back inside and pretend like nothing happened, because that's what you do when you're in high school.  And believe me, I feel for you. It's a complex, messed up system. 

High school was this miserable time for me.  But I learned some freaking important lessons. Such as...


Sometimes, life is a five year old's birthday party.

What do I mean by that?  Well, some days you're the pinata and some days you're the blind little kid dangerously swinging a baseball bat.  In high school, I think I focused a bit too much on my pinata days.  I was angry, SO angry at the people who gossiped about me, hurt me, pretended to be friends with me, humiliated me in front of classmates, ignored me when I was standing right there, and called me a slut every five seconds.  So angry, in fact, that I still would cry about it well after graduation.

Funny thing though.  It's hard to be angry about that sort of thing when you understand something.  I was the punching bag a lot in school, but I'm often the blindfolded kid too.  Sometimes, people are blind.  They hurt you and they hurt you a lot but they don't understand what they are doing.  They learn from hurting you.  But, you have to remember, you learned from hurting someone too at some point in your life.  We don't always get to be the victim, sometimes we're the bad guy and honestly, that's actually good for us.  A decent person will learn from it.


Those people are NOT worth your tears.

I spent a few really creepy hours on Facebook recently stalking some of the girls who I used to be so insanely jealous of.  You know how I felt?  I didn't feel better than them, or equal to them, or included or vindicated or anything.  I just felt free.  I'm doing exactly what I want to be doing.  I've embraced the Star Wars loving, video game playing, pokemon obsessed girl that I am and that is beyond awesome, you guys. 

When you're doing what you love to do, it's hard to be jealous of anyone, even the people you enjoy and respect.  It isn't about feeling superior.  It isn't about feeling like you're the bigger person.  It's just about being so happy with yourself that they can't do anything about it anymore.  They just become unworthy of your tears, not because they are bad or fail-tastic people, but just because it isn't worth your time to cry about it anymore.


It is so so so so important to be kind.

I've grown up and I'm not going to give a verbal butt-kicking to the next mean girl I encounter from those days.  But I know how it feels.  I know what it's like to dwell on painful, hurtful memories.  I get the anger, the resentment, the depression.  I understand what it's like to feel like there is something immensely wrong with you.  I know that there are certain memories that just won't unstick themselves from you and that you can't wish away no matter how hard you try.  That's why I never ever EVER want to make someone feel that way.

Promise yourself right now that you will never be that person.  Don't make someone feel worthless.  Don't let a lonely kid fall through the cracks.  Be everyone's friend.  Be everyone's support.  You don't know what someone's life is like in reality.  Remember that indifference can be just as painful as outright cruelty to someone who feels alone.

Don't let anyone look back at you and see only what you did to them.  Don't even let them look back and remember you as the person who stood by and watched.

In the words of Jesse Jackson, never look down on anybody unless you're helping him up.

Yes, it is a big deal

Some people don't understand how important today is.

Harry Potter.  It's ending.

I'm just going to come out and say this: if you weren't part of the Harry Potter movement, you missed one of the most important and generation-defining events of a lifetime.  I feel bad for you.

Seriously, these books and these movies aren't just books and movies.  This isn't just a story.  This is something that has made people who they are.  A story about strength and about love and about loyalty and courage in a world where all of those qualities seem useless against an unstoppable evil.  That's how the world is today, though.  We forget the power of love and friendship and Harry Potter supported those ideals all through our childhoods.  All through our lives.  We grew as Harry grew.  We struggled as he struggled.  Our stories were different from his, but they were so much the same as well.  Anyone who underestimates that does themselves a great disservice.

It isn't just a craze.  It isn't just something limited to nutty fans.  It's a community, a whole story built around those who love it.  This story has changed us and made us who we are.  It's a part of us.  I know it's a part of me.  I think that people underestimate the real power of a story.  Something like this, something that really connects with people on such a deep and strong and emotional level leaves a lasting imprint, and not just on individuals but on an entire society...something like this shifts the future because it defines the people who will create that future.  Our generation will always remember these books and these movies because they made us this way.  And those who didn't read them and didn't watch them and didn't like them...well, that's part of who they are as well.  And that matters.

Hogwarts was a home, a home that was always there.  The characters faced seemingly insurmountable challenges but they still struggled and fought and refused to be defeated, even when it was impossible to go on, even when there was no hope.  The message that there is always a reason to keep fighting is ingrained in my mind and on my heart, just as it is for all of us who love this story.  It really is this big of a deal.  It really is bittersweet and you will see people expressing that.  It's because Harry and Ron and Hermione and Dean and Neville and Seamus and Luna and Fred and George and so, so many more characters were my friends.  I learned alongside them.  Dumbledore was my teacher.  I can honestly say that parts of who I am are because of his character.

It IS just this important.  It will always be this important.  It's not just a story.  It never was.

"Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home." -J.K. Rowling