I don't know why I haven't been elected yet

For my U.S. Government class, we went to the Utah State Capitol, which I'm pretty sure is a Capitol as opposed to a Capital. Although it has Capitals in it. I could be wrong, it's just never happened before.

So anyway, I thought that maybe this would be my opportunity to seize the power that should, by all rights, be mine. I figured it wouldn't be too hard to slip myself into some bill as the "Supreme Dictator of the State of Utah," but guess what guys, there are RAILS (LIKE SAFETY RAILS) AROUND THE BILL VOTING AREA. I think those areas are called the Senate and the House. Whatever.  But seriously, it's like they don't want me to write myself into a bill as a dictator.

I had to compensate somehow, so I entertained myself by having my friend Michael take pictures of me sitting in places I wasn't allowed in. Also, there were sombreros involved. And I met a guy who works for a news station, and we're now BFF's. So, yeah, I'm kind of important, almost better than the Supreme Dictator of the State of Utah.

At one point, Michael said he'd pay me a dollar if I ran away from our tour guide and up the stairs to touch the Senate door. Which I did, and I still don't have my dollar. And the teacher watched me run all the way up the stairs like "oh no, here we go," and it was awesome.


This is me sitting on a table I wasn't supposed to be sitting on. The tour guide caught me and gave me a sour look. Apparently we were in the governor's office. The governor really needs more comfortable tables.


This is me climbing on a pillar I wasn't supposed to be climbing on but the tour guide wasn't very tall or loud so I couldn't see her or hear her, so really, this is me trying to be a good student. It's not my fault if I have to climb on forbidden pillars in order to learn.


This is me sitting on a very fancy chair at the head of a very fancy table in a very fancy reception room reserved for special guests because all this fancy furniture is very expensive.

My favorite part were the golden cherubs decorating the ceiling. See, I thought cherubs were tacky, but since they're in the Utah State Capitol, I guess cherubs are alright by me. If I ever live in a mansion, I'm going to commission a dozen golden cherub ceilings. Cherubs for everyone!

Anyway, I wasn't supposed to be sitting in this chair, but I sneaked onto it after the guide turned away and Michael was just about to take a picture when some kid was all "HEY is she allowed to do that??" and I almost punched him in the mouth with my brain. But I didn't, because the Jedi believe in peace. So the tour guide sort of got this horrified look on her face and didn't say anything for a very tense moment. Then she was all "Um...I guess..." but I think since it was already too late, she realized she had no choice. Or perhaps the tour guide understood that the powers of the force aren't to be trifled with. She needs to have a serious conversation with the kid who tried to get me in trouble.


After that incident, I think I did pretty well, behavior-wise. At one point I saw a bunch of people in sombreros and I was all "...Michael...I really want a picture with them."  The above picture is photographic evidence that sombreros were in fact involved in my visit.

I don't really know what the sombrero people were doing at the Utah State Capitol. They probably heard about the cherubs.


The capitol was swarming with reporters and cameras and stuff but I didn't really notice until Michael was all "Want a picture with a news guy?" and I was all "DO I?!?!" which means yes. So I sidled up next to this guy, who had a lovely purple tie. Michael asked if he could take a picture of us together, and the guy was all "Um...really?" and because I'm brilliant, my witty reply was "Yes. I like your purple tie." At that point, purple-tie-man just sort of stared at me and said "Okay I guess." But not in a rude way. More of like in a "this-strange-girl-just-showed-up-beside-me-and-wants-a-picture-with-my-tie" kind of way. Actually, he was very nice and gave us his full attention. So purple-tie-man and I kind of awkwardly smiled and Michael snapped a picture and then the purple-tie-man shook my hand and said "I'm Rich, by the way" and apparently Rich is really Richard Piatt who works for KSL news. So, yeah, that's me rubbing shoulders with important people, guys. And if you go here you can read his bio on KSL's website, where he hasn't mentioned me, but I'm sure it's only a matter of time.

Behind me there's a press conference going on. I can only assume that all those people were there because they'd heard I'd be at the capitol trying to assert myself as Supreme Dictator of the State of Utah. Unfortunately, my tour guide, teacher, and fellow classmates weren't of the same opinion, so I never went and made my prepared speech. It was a disappointment to the entire news community. Sorry, Rich. I tried, buddy.

On the bus ride back, I happened to be sitting next to the emergency escape door, and did you know that when you open that thing an alarm goes off? Cause I didn't. Michael made me do it.

I don't have a title for this post unless you count "maybe I should call a priest" as a valid title, and most people don't. I think.

My dog Sam finally got shaved, which I think is pretty good because it was starting to look like I was walking the end of a mop. Just kidding, I never walk my dog. Is that bad? Should I walk my dog? Wouldn't he prefer to run free in the backyard? I don't like the whole dog walking concept because it inadvertently forces me to exercise and get fresh air and enjoy sunshine, which are the three things I shun. ...Not really. But seriously though. I don't want to walk him.

Anyways he looks like this now:

And also like this:



Except his eyes look like a devil/demon so I don't know maybe I should call a priest? Guys if there's a demon/devil thing living in my dog, I won't stand for that crap. Especially cause Sam is the good dog. And then there's the bad dog, whose name is Jacques. But honestly, if my name were Jacques, I'd misbehave too. And bite people and small children. And pee on couches.

I tried just now to take a picture of Jacques but it was really hard because he's the bad dog so he won't do anything I tell him to. Like "come here" or "sit still" or "go make me a sandwich".

So this is Jacques:




(Not my foot)

So that's the bad dog. I had to chase him and yell his name for like ten minutes to get that shot.

In the interest of being fair, here's one more of Sam, because I VALUE FAIRNESS.




Since I know the world is extremely interested in pictures of my dogs, I consider this a service to you. A service that demonstrates how pathetic I am. Except there are a lot more pathetic things I could be into, so technically this is a triumph over pathetic-ness, so I'm gonna go ahead and pat myself of the back, because this falls into the category of awesome pathetic-ness.

On an unrelated note, I got a sweet Rugrats T-shirt. My favorite episode was when they went to a medieval fair and fought the dragon. After that I was all what the heck mom, why don't we go to medieval fairs? And she still hasn't answered me. I totally would still go.

My eyes kind of look scary too.......priest?

Call me Albert, cause I'm about to discover the law of photoelectric effect

Matt: You cannot have a blog and not update it. Why am I following you if you don't post?

Me: Because I would blog about people and HOW CAN I BLOG ABOUT PEOPLE WHEN THEY DO NOT WANT TO BE BLOGGED ABOUT? That, and I'm lazy. And...it appears that I have a fondness for caps today...CAPS.

Matt: Well then, blog about something else. Persevere. In the name of science!

Me: Shall I blog about science?

Matt: Certainly, the science of properly applying eye makeup, as was so thoroughly explained to me on Saturday.

Me: There's science, then there's stuff people actually care about. Eye makeup falls under the latter.

Then I told him he was giving me license to blog about him, because he was talking about my blog. He told me that there's nothing to say about him and more to say about the rivalry between my dogs. How am I supposed to blog about science and canine diplomacy? I guess I could try to do something scientific-like with my dogs. Like make them sit in a tub of water and measure the meniscus or whatever.

What's a meniscus? Is meniscus a word, or did I make that up? Pretty sure that word appeared in my education somewhere. Whatever. I'm going to measure my dogs' meniscuses...

Meniscusi?
Meniscusises?
Menisci?
Apparently the plural for meniscus is menisci, cause there's no squiggly red line under it.

...

MENISCI. I just taught you a science word and made you seriously consider dog relations for the first time. You're welcome.

My feud with The Universe Pt. 1

The Universe: Good morning, Megan. There's snow outside, your dog is dead, and you just lost three million on the stock market.

Well. The first one is true.